Time to start relating some things that have been going through my mind lately. Get out your reading glasses because the posts the next few days are probably going to be long and probably rather emotional..

As I went through the empty rooms in the old apartment, my mind was flooded with memories. I went through the place room by room, letting the memories come back. I guess I was hoping to let them burn themselves into my brain so I could come back to this place whenever I wanted to.

I've moved a lot. If I counted correctly, I lived in 8 different houses in 5 different towns, all before age 16. At one point the longest we stayed in a house was about a year and a half. You would think that would make moving easy for me. Well, the physcial part of moving is - but the emotional part is something I still deal with.

You see, moving is a very bittersweet time for me. Nine times out of ten, I have moved to nicer place, one that I can't wait to get into, but yet on that last day when everything is in the new home and I'm in the old place; I get touched with melancholy. This happened the last time I moved, and when we moved my parents from the home I spent my high school years at, and even when I switched offices at work.

Maybe that is why I collect so much "stuff". Places and things help me recall what happened, who I was, and what I felt. I want to remember my past. I have great memories, I've lived a very good life so far. Don't get me wrong - I don't sit and wallow in the "good ol' days" and say "it used to be better then" all the time, but I don't want to lose sight of how I got to where I'm at; the path I've taken so far. Many times I've pulled an old toy out of box or came across a forgotten photo and then thought about what was going on when I got it, what I was feeling, and where I was at. Many times things I hadn't thought about in years come flooding back. I remember and I am happy.

Julie & I are going through our belongings, trying to decide what we have room for and what we should get rid of. Some things are easy to get rid of, but others have an emotional attachment to them. What memories do I let go of, if any, when I give that piece away? Will those memories ever cross my consciousness again?

I wonder what would happen if there was a fire, or a tornado, and all of a sudden I didn't have my mementos around. I wouldn't have this "place" anymore. Then what? Some people live just fine without this "luggage." I know I'd probably be a much different person if that happened. I'd have to learn to let go. There are some who would tell me that I don't need this stuff around, that I can get by not remembering so much. They are probably right, but this is one luxury that I will allow myself as long as I can.

I understand now why many people don't want to leave their homes as they get older. The corners hide memories of their younger days, the halls speak of the children that passed through many times before, the rickity old porch swing talks about the times you sat watching the sun go down with neighbors who aren't around any more. The bathroom mirror reflects the preening and grooming before important celebrations of life's milestones. The kitchen stove asks if you are cooking that special meal again for the loved one, the one who won't be coming back. The favorite chair, the framed photo, the stained rug; everything has a story to tell and you've listened to them and remembered and were happy. It is hard to close that door for the last time.

I understand now.

Did I say tomorrow... I meant in two weeks.... {sigh}

Sorry, 'bout that loyal EmFusers, but unpacking took precedence. Julie & I are settling in nicely, thank you for asking. For those of you who have sent congratulations and such, thanks to you as well.

I'll probably talk more about the moving experience and stuff later, right now... lunch!

Finally, I'm back online! It took longer to get Internet access to the new house, but its here. I expect to start posting a bunch tomorrow. TTFN!